Today was my last official day of freedom. Tomorrow I return to Reinhardt and soldier through YET ANOTHER semester. Hopefully it'll go by as quickly as the last one did, but with the 9:30 P.E. class, I'm going to doubt it.
But today wasn't such a terrible day to end the winter break on.
I spent the day with Kali and her nephew, Junior, who is adorable and chubby and wonderful. I played with him and held him and fed him and it was wonderful.
I know a lot of people will say I'm stupid, but I really can't wait to have kids. I mean, obviously I WILL. I'm too young now. But when I'm settled... I just want to be a mother. I want to prove that it is possible to be a good mother. After all, my own mother (and her mother) have severely failed in that department.
My grandmother's problem is she provides the thing one needs, but she expects something in return. Additionally, you get no love or affection from her. At all. And that's something a mother is supposed to do. She's supposed to tell you you're wonderful when you feel sad and tell you they love you everyday. She doesn't do that.
And I don't really want to get STARTED on mom. That would take DAYS.
But having such lacking maternal figures in my life makes me really appreciate those moms who are really great at what they do. Like Connie and Michelle.
It also makes me more determined to be the type of mom I always wanted and the one my kids will deserve.
Love,
Mella
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