It's Just Easier to Copy & Paste

Mella (7:49:55 PM): Mom just called and was a huge bitch.
Mella (7:51:28 PM): I am sick to death of her trying to make ME feel bad because she's a shoddy mother.
Mella (7:51:45 PM): She called my cell phone and I missed the call because it was on silent.
Mella (7:52:02 PM): So she called Papa and then told me I didn't love her because I didn't answer the phone.
Mella (7:52:09 PM): Then she told me I only cared about her when I wanted money.
Mella (7:52:30 PM): I do call her when I need something, but that's only because I'm down to my last hope.
Mella (7:52:36 PM): Because she never comes through.
Mella (7:52:37 PM): For anything. Ever.
Mella (7:52:51 PM): She's made me feel uncomfortable and inferior and worthless and not wanted my entire life. That's almost twenty three years of feeling like I don't matter.
Mella (7:52:58 PM): And she always goes and makes me feel like it's my fault.
Mella (7:53:02 PM): And that I should feel sorry for HER.
Mella (7:53:05 PM): Because she's the victim and I just treat her oh so badly.
Mella (7:53:08 PM): And I am sick to death of it.
Mella (7:53:58 PM): I want to run away.
Mella (7:54:14 PM): From all of them.
Mella (7:54:57 PM): GODDAMNIT.
Mella (7:54:58 PM): jsikdfhbsgbd
Mella (7:54:59 PM): jhbvgjplnjlokfvdej /p; fzg
Mella (7:55:53 PM): rejgfivdcfgxhrrhhgwihgjwprj;f;krvr,ihgw
Mella (7:56:02 PM): She always fucking does this.
Mella (7:56:04 PM): She hung up on me.
Mella (7:56:12 PM): And then sent me this huge text with grammatical errors a plenty.
Mella (7:56:22 PM): About how she's a failure and she cries herself to sleep because her daughter doesn't love her.
Mella (7:56:27 PM): And she's just doing the best she can.
Mella (7:56:29 PM): Fuck that.


And then she called and left a voice mail. She was crying and apologizing. Which is what she always does. I couldn't press 7 enough. 
And then there was another text, which I promptly deleted.
Just now, she texted me asking me to forgive her because she loves me. 


I am sick of this. Just absolutely fucking sick to death of feeling like no one wants me. 
I know it's not true because I have my friends (or, at least, I hope it's not), but it feels like it all the time. 


Last night I wrote in my diary "You're worthless and you always will be."  So now it'll always be there to remind me. Not like I need it. I mean, I'm surrounded with reminders every day.