I am Sick and I am Tired.

I am sick. And I am tired. I am sick and tired of being unappreciated.

I don't feel like this is "selfish" of me to say. I am entirely underappreciated. I do and do and do for so many people in my life. And what do I get? I get told it was my duty. Either that or there's something else for me to do immediately after.

Is it so hard to say "thank you?" Am I such an untouchable that I can't even get an "I love you"?

Noone in my family ever says "I love you." Except my Mama. The same woman who spend almost two decades of my life ignoring me for anyone else. Not my grandmother, not my uncle, not my aunt, not my grandfather, not anyone. And if your family can't love you, then noone can, right?

But what's so wrong with me? All I've ever tried to do is make them proud of me. Just to get one "good job." I've even dressed up in hopes of hearing a compliment. Even a "you look cute today." But nothing. It's always nothing. I don't see why I even try.

It's disappointment after disappointment.

And even when my friends do understand, it's not their place to pet me. It's not their fault I'm a complete and total fuck up. It's not their fault I'm a bottom-dweller. It's not their fault I don't know *how* to smile or be happy.

But even still, I expect more out of them. I want to know they love me. I want to know they give a shit. And everytime they forget, I freak out and cry because all I do is cry. I take the smallest things and make them huge. One false move and noone loves me. I hate it. But I do it. Especially when it comes to my best friend.

I hate how I feel. But I feel like I need to be someone's number one. I'm everyone else's last place. When am I gonna get the gold? What do I need to do? I'll do anything.

Donate a lobe of my liver? You got it.
Give blood? You got it.
Money? Okay. I'll give as much as I've got.

Just please. C'mon. Someone love me.