I just can't find anything to be happy about... I mean, I have things to be happy about (my friends being most important), but it's so difficult for me to focus on them. The happiness is fleeting because I always find something to be depressed about. My mind constantly goes back to the following facts:
- I'm fat.
- I'm ugly.
- I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life.
- I'm useless.
- No one really likes me.
Those are the main things that consistently float around in my head. They're always there and they take up a majority of my thoughts.
I've always thought that if I found a guy who really loved me, that would fix me. I wouldn't be so fucked up in the head... I wouldn't be so negative.
I know now that love's not magic... and no one can fix me, but me.
Which is why I'll be fucked up like this forever.
Meaning I will never find love... because I'm like this.
It's a vicious terrible cycle and it keeps me from being happy.
So I'm going to go cry myself to sleep. But I do hope you're all doing well.
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