Things I Supremely Dislike Right Now:

• When people open your door and do not shut it.
• When people assume that you don't maintain good hygiene without them having to tell you (seriously, harpy? I know how to bathe.)
• How cold my feet are currently.
• The fact that I forgot to do my homework and must do it tonight and turn it in two days late.
• The fact that I'm not hungry.
• The fact that I haven't talked to any of my far away friends recently. :(
• The fact that so many kids out there see better fit to end their life than deal with cruel bullying.
• The bullies.
• The fact I am not in England.

And I think that's it...

It really sucks to know...

That everything you want in life won't come true.

Especially when you have the simplest wishes.

All I want is to be happy and to be loved.

I want a husband that loves me and is faithful to me.

I want children who love me.

I want to be a good mom to them.

I want to grow old with my friends.

I just want to be happy.

Why is this happiness elusive?

:'(

When...

When I see that other people are upset... I try to be there for them.

I try to make them feel better and even if I can't, I assure them I will be there for them.

Because I know what it's like to be alone and depressed.

It's not pretty. Especially when noone offers to help you.

I < 3 u

1. 9x - 7i > 3(3x - 7u)
2. 9x - 7i > 3*3x - 3*7u
3. 9x - 7i > 9x - 21u
4. 9x - 9x - 7i > -21u
5. -7i > - 21u
6. -7i/-7 < -21u/-7
7. i < (less than) 3 u

Hands down, the best inequality I've ever seen.

True fact.

I

want

to

feel

beautiful

constantly.

Things I Love Thursday.

Today is September Twenty-Something and it is time for a TILT.

isn't he the most handsome man on earth?

first and foremost:
J.K. Rowling, whom without which I would never have grown up. She created characters that I could relate to and who I grew up alongside. She's a lovely author and I cannot imagine my life without her brain child.

other little things:

the mr. brooke/meg relationship in little women - it's one of the most adorable courtships i have ever had the pleasure to read and i absolutely adore the characters (especially together) | finally reading books that i've waited forever to read! | the accomplishment of being a week ahead of schedule in my school work | friends who love me in spite of my numerous flaws |"you shall love your crooked neighbor with your crooked heart" - w.h. auden | the possibility of getting mail on a regular basis! (hello pen pal!) | unexpected compliments | the excitement i feel for my plans the next few months | books, books, and - alas! more books | ordering things from amazon | having a phone that works! bless its sim card! | teachers who take time to talk to you | funny guys in math class: 'why does it do this?' 'because it's magic, man.' | the spill canvas - particularly landon heil. i wish he'd come and steal me away! | making friends - though this rarely happens! | making cupcakes with best friends | netflix | this really stupid, modernized pride and prejudice knock-off that is poorly filmed, badly directed, and terribly written, but still somehow intensely enjoyable | in 13 going on 30 where jenna kisses matt and then they get married - it's sweet |sleeping in (oh! how i love this!) | going back to elementary school and be remembered | dreaming.

All I Want...

All I want to do is meet a charming, funny, affectionate, semi-attractive (please) ginger-haired boy who is going to love me for the rest of my life.

Am I being too specific? :/

Or is this just not in the cards for me?

Why?

Why don't I matter?

What's wrong with me?

Why doesn't anyone love me?

Why don't they care?

Why? What did I do?

I can be different.

I can be smarter.

I can try to be prettier.

I'll do anything.

Just tell me what you want.

Because I'm sick of feeling like this.

I'm sick of knowing I don't matter to any of you.

I thought family was supposed to love you regardless of how much you sucked.

Apparently mine missed the memo.

What do you want from me?

What do I have to do to make you guys love me?

Just tell me. Please.

The Most Disheartening Feeling in The World Comes From:

People continuously proving to you that you can't depend on any of them.

People continuously proving to you that you matter less and less every day.

People continuously proving to you that no matter what you do for them, you always matter less to them than someone else.

People continuously proving to you that you'll always just be Melissa and, really, noone gives a shit about Melissa.

As it is...

Today, as I was driving my dad's KIA to meet him in Adairsville and, once again, swap cars... I heard a song. It's the most brilliant song I've heard in ages. And now I can't stop listening to it. [Did you notice how I didn't give you the title? That's because I'm just OH so INDIE.]

So, instead of going on and on about just how sad and pathetic I feel... I'm going to listen to this music, take great joy in singing fuck - in the song - as loud as possible, and make a list of things I want/currently wish for:

• Perks of Being a Wallflower - obviously the novel by Chobsky
• Books from my childhood: The Giver, Number the Stars, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh, The Witches, and etc.
• Just one family member who cares how I'm doing in school and in life, if I'm happy, and just someone to encourage me and love me even when I'm not the best at anything.
• A boyfriend. Seriously. This being alone shit is for the birds. And I know "you've got to love yourself before someone else can love you" "you've got to be okay with being alone before you're okay being with anyone else" but that's bullshit. I know people who absolutely hate themselves and/or being alone, and they have different boyfriends for every week. (Which is unhealthy, I realize, but they still have them!)
• A fun way to exercise.
• To return to a Books A Million and buy more cheap books!
• To return to JSU and see Jenny.
• For it to be November already. This means it'll almost be time for school to be over and hopefully my birthday will be amazing to make up for the shit I just know my family will put me through before then.
• A's in all my classes.
• My financial aid to hurry up and go through. What do those financial aid bitches do all day? Just sit on their ass and play Tetris?! Get your shit together! Please?
• Inception on DVD when it comes out
• A collage of all my favorite things. I may have to do this one day.
• A healthy self-image.
• Lots and lots and lots of money so that I may pay off debts, get new cars, and move to London.
• Pumpkin Fizz.
• To go to sleep.